What Stops Us from Making Changes?
I just want to share this short story with you:
I had a client once who thought change was an insult to herself. She took it as there must be something wrong with her if she had to change. This can be a common reaction to the concept of change. Think how often you may have heard people say, “Oh, if I won the lottery, it wouldn’t change me!”
There can be numerous reasons for not wanting to change, beside the thought of there being something wrong with me, and often we find beneath the avoidance of change is a fear:
- A fear that if you become different, how would people then react to you?
- A fear of making new choices because you think you might get it wrong.
- A fear that change is hard work and you already have too much to do.
- A fear that what you dream of might not be better than what you already have.
- A fear about whether change is the right thing for you, which brings in an uncertainty about taking those action steps towards making differences to your life.
- A fear that change will mean you won’t fit in anywhere.
Do you ever find yourself fearful of change?
If so, what is it that you are fearful of?
The difficulty with change is that the brain loves certainty. It loves to stay the same. For sure, some people are risk takers but most of us are more risk averse as it is natural for the brain to stay in its comfort zone.
But how often have you read that life begins the moment you step out of your comfort zone? Which in essence is asking you to take opportunities, to experience the rich tapestry of life, to stop with the repetitive behaviours we find ourselves doing.
We also must realise change requires decision. Yet many people recoil from decision making, preferring to let life drift by and see where it takes them. But this can lead us to feeling disgruntled, annoyed, that life is unfair. How else do you think someone might feel if life passes them by?
Again, underneath decision making is fear. For at its root, decision means to cut off. You make the choice, you take the decision, you cut yourself off from other possibilities. And what if it is the wrong choice, the wrong decision? This thought ends up with the indecisive state many of us find ourselves in.
To go back to our lottery winner, my question is why wouldn’t you want it to change you? Why wouldn’t you take an opportunity available to you for change? For when we don’t make those changes, we can stay stuck and our lottery winner who stays as they are, often finds they have lost all their money, going back to being who they have always been.
However, if we realise that we are in control of our decisions and we take the choice to change, then change is a wonderful opportunity for personal growth. To have, to be, to experience life in new ways.
In essence, coaching is asking people to step up and make a commitment to change. To acknowledge their fears, to help them make decisions, to support them as they take action steps towards what change will bring to their lives. To celebrate with them as they create change and benefit from the result.
Are you ready to make a change in your life and step forward to become a coach and help others make changes to their lives?
Please get in touch to chat about any details or to answer any questions.
Let’s embrace change together.