Is Your Past Your Present?

reflection in mirror

I was working with a colleague on updating the clothes in my wardrobe and I noticed when I was speaking how I always spoke about when I was… thinner, happier with my body, sexier etc. When I was speaking it was as if I was holding on so tightly to this persona, the image of who I was, and in doing so, I was ignoring who I was now and who I had become. I was living in my head as that person from the past who I was clinging onto so tightly, as if they were somehow the better person.

Consequently, I had avoided a full length mirror for years, I was squeezing into clothes which made me uncomfortable, I berated myself for not being who I was. All, sort of unconsciously as on the surface I was actually ok. Yet there was this mismatch, an un-alignment and as I am always about integrity there was always this part within me which felt incongruent.

Which was the startling obvious fact I was making my past my present, and yet you cannot live your past as your present! You cannot shoe horn yourself back into who you were as you are not the same person.

And I was wondering if you do the same?

Do you spend time wishing you were who you once were?
Or maybe you haven’t thought about it but you haven’t fully accepted who you are now and you berate yourself for not being a certain way.

What then can we do?

First is the awareness. I often state that to coach ourselves, we have to know where we are at. What is going on in this present moment for us. So notice your language, your actions, your emotions.

How do you currently feel about yourself and the way you look after you?
Do you think you were better when….?
And if so what is the when? Why did you think you were better?
Which then asks the question – what is wrong with you now?
And is it really true that you were better back in the past?

Allow yourself to journal your answers and don’t edit what comes up.

What then does this person, the you NOW want?
How can you look after that person better?
How can you honour this person?
What do they need in this current moment to express who they are into the world?

For me, as I worked on my wardrobe, it was to physically throw away all the old clothes which didn’t fit me, which reminded me of who I am not now, the items which made me live in the past. It was very liberating. I did put some clothes in a memory box, the few items I cherished as a memory of a past me and the rest went to charity.

I then dressed for the me I am now, to express who I am in this current moment. And yes it is such a simple answer but in doing so, I liberated myself from berating myself that I was wrong to be a larger lady.

Which is why I then decided that in The Curious Club, the whole of the month of May is about decluttering our wellbeing. Letting go of our thoughts, attitudes, behaviours which affect our physical, emotional, mental and spiritual self so we can live in this present moment with more harmony and clarity.

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