Why Having Something to Get Up For Changes Everything

I was having coffee with a friend recently who looked exhausted despite getting plenty of sleep. “I just feel flat,” she said. “Like I’m going through the motions but nothing really matters.”

It struck me how often I hear variations of this sentiment. People who have good lives on paper – decent jobs, loving families, comfortable homes – but feel like something essential is missing.

That something is often purpose.

Not the grand, life-changing purpose that motivates people to climb mountains or start charities. Just the simple sense of having something meaningful to get up for each day.

The Japanese have a concept called ikigai, often translated as “life’s purpose” or “reason for being.” But it’s more nuanced than our Western idea of finding your calling.

Ikigai is about having something that gives your days direction – whether that’s caring for your garden, being the colleague people turn to for advice, or simply being present for your family in the way only you can be.

It doesn’t have to be profound. It just has to matter to you.

Yet somehow, many of us have lost touch with what that might be. We’re busy meeting expectations, paying bills, and keeping up with responsibilities, but we’ve forgotten to ask ourselves what actually feels worthwhile.

You can tell when someone lacks this sense of direction. They often describe feeling like they’re sleepwalking through life. Sunday evenings fill them with dread because another week stretches ahead with no real meaning beyond getting through it.

Decision-making becomes harder because, without knowing what matters to you, every choice feels equally arbitrary. Should you take that promotion? Move cities? Say yes to that commitment? Without a sense of purpose to guide you, it all feels overwhelming.

I’ve noticed that people without purpose often struggle with what I call “chronic fine-ness.” If you ask how they’re doing, they’ll say “fine” – and mean it. Nothing’s terribly wrong, but nothing feels particularly right either. They exist in a kind of emotional flatline.

This isn’t just about feeling unfulfilled. Research suggests that people who lack a sense of purpose are more prone to anxiety, depression, and even physical health issues. When life feels meaningless, our bodies respond as if we’re under constant low-level stress.

The Small Purposes That Count

Here’s what I’ve learned from working with people over the years: purpose doesn’t have to transform the world. It just has to transform your experience of being in the world.

Maybe your purpose is being the person who makes others feel heard. Maybe it’s creating a calm space in your home where your family can recharge. Maybe it’s mentoring newer employees, or maintaining the local community garden, or simply showing up consistently for the people who matter to you.

I know someone whose purpose is writing thoughtful birthday cards. It sounds small, but she puts genuine care into remembering what matters to each person and reflecting that back to them. Those cards mean something because she’s found meaning in the act of creating them.

Another client discovered his purpose in being the dad who coaches junior football, not because he’s particularly athletic, but because he believes every child deserves an adult who believes in them. That sense of contribution gives direction to his weekends and energy to his weeks.

Finding What Matters to You

If you’re feeling disconnected from purpose, start by paying attention to what naturally draws your interest and energy:

• When do you lose track of time because you’re so engaged in what you’re doing?
• What conversations leave you feeling energised rather than drained?
• What problems do you find yourself naturally wanting to solve?

Sometimes purpose emerges from your own challenges. The parent who struggled with anxiety becomes the friend others turn to during difficult times. The person who navigated a career change helps others think through their own transitions.

Your experiences, even the painful ones, often point toward what you’re uniquely equipped to contribute.

Living With Intention

Once you identify what gives your life meaning, the real work begins: actually living it. This rarely requires dramatic changes. More often, it means making small, consistent choices that align with what matters to you.

It might mean saying no to commitments that drain your energy without serving your purpose. It could involve having honest conversations about what you actually care about. Sometimes it’s as simple as approaching your existing responsibilities with renewed intention.

The key is consistency. Purpose isn’t a one-time discovery; it’s a daily practice of choosing what matters over what’s merely urgent.

What Changes When You Have Direction

People with a clear sense of purpose handle stress differently. They don’t experience fewer challenges, but they have context for those challenges. Difficulties become obstacles in the service of something meaningful rather than pointless suffering.

They also make decisions more easily because they have a framework for evaluation. Does this opportunity align with what matters to me? Will this choice support or detract from what I’m trying to contribute?

Most importantly, they wake up with somewhere to go, not just physically, but emotionally and spiritually. They have something to get up for beyond just getting through another day.

Moving Forward

If you’re feeling that flatness my friend described, be gentle with yourself. Purpose isn’t something you can force or figure out through willpower alone.

Sometimes it emerges through action rather than contemplation. Try helping someone with something you’re good at. Pay attention to what problems naturally capture your attention. Notice what makes you feel most like yourself.

The goal isn’t to find your one true calling. It’s to stay connected to what gives your current season of life direction and meaning.

Because having something meaningful to get up for changes everything, not dramatically, but deeply. And sometimes that quiet transformation is exactly what your wellbeing needs.

Supporting people discover what gives their lives meaning is at the heart of effective coaching, something we focus on and develop in our Health and Wellbeing Coach Training.